Day 64

A specialist nurse is due to call on me today. I wait until mid afternoon then go upstairs for my afternoon sleep. I check my phone, while asleep I have missed two calls which show a private number. Bugger, Somewhere I was given a card with contact numbers on.  We set about searching for it.  Lesley does most of the searching and I make the best attempt I can. After an increasingly futile and frustrating hunt Lesley points to the shirt pocket I was wearing on Friday evening and it looks likely the card has been destroyed in the wash. Brilliant.

I receive my payslip from work. This is a lovely surprise and is a reminder that I am part of a wider functioning community out there.

I reach the blackest of depths.  The combination of shivering and low energy starts to affect my mental state. This is awful. I drop to a black place where no one else exists. It is enclosed. I cannot think and tell Lesley that my spirit is smashed and I’m not sure I can do this..

I go to bed. The radio is on and the presenter plays 2 long late John Coltrane tracks. I have them somewhere in my collection. I drift in and out of sleep, each time waking to Coltane’s evocation of the human spirit. I start to pick up.  It is a new and more pleasant event.