I wake. It is peaceful and I am not in pain. This seems an odd mantra this early. But I think this is my mind working out what is important, a kind of base point to measure other good and essential things. To put it in context, I am in pain some of the day, but hopefully the infection is passing.
One thing was playing on my mind. I could not reach my brother – he was out of touch. I left messages and all sorts. This morning he finally got a mobile signal and discovered I had been trying to contact him. He called me!! But the connection was poor and I could only ask him to call me from a landline. He calls from a phone box. But I have only 2mins conversation on this most important of calls. He returns straight home and we have a long chat. He promises to come to stay close by with his partner so we can spend a lot of the weekend together.
This evening a letter awaited my return from work. An appointment for a CT scan at Rugby hospital. A dark cloud descends. The possibility that the cancer has spread.
The mental battle is subtle and complex to wage. On Monday I did not have cancer as nobody said I had. Yet by Friday I am a cancer patient, despite only tiny changes in my body. I am a victim – the mental battle!! There are all sorts of battles fought all over the place. More emails and phone calls to friends. More support.
Yep, at least the infection problem from Tuesday’s tests really does appear to be abating a little. But it is still difficult and sore
Forget the Rules 